The evolutions of motherhood are ever-evolving, and it is so important for new mothers to understand that after they have their baby. You get past the “newness,” awkwardness, baby cries, and being with the baby for hours on end, it doesn’t last forever. It is important for mothers to know that you are in a fleeting phase. It is difficult to know and understand what you are going through as a phase because it is new to you and all you have experienced as a mother.
It sounds so cliche when another mother, aunt, grandmother, or friend says, “It’s just a phase.” In your mind, you think I was up all last night, I’m up during the day, and there is a sink full of bottles that need washing and a load of laundry afterward. It can feel ever daunting and seems as if there is no end in sight. Well, after going through those phases and going into the child phase, you soon look back and say the same. The days may be long, but the years are short.
"You are not alone if you can think about a time when you were at your lowest, trying to get your baby to latch, or just couldn't pull yourself together to get the laundry done. You are in good company."
You are not alone if you can think about a time when you were at your lowest, trying to get your baby to latch, or just couldn't pull yourself together to get the laundry done. You are in good company. These are the early phases of motherhood and should be spoken about freely because other mothers can relate. The transition of motherhood doesn’t just align with your child’s age; it also aligns with your growth and development as a mother.
Today, black women more than ever have options: options to work, options to stay at home, options to work from home, options for daycare, and options for making it work, as Black women have always done. While we may not have as many options as others, we are still able to make our own choices and have the ability to make things work for our families, no matter the structure. We have opportunities our ancestors could only dream of. We must realize that Black women, more than ever before, are the most powerful we have ever been and must use that power to our advantage for ourselves, our families, and our community. So, no matter the phase you are in, remember that you are a mother in a phase, and you can get through it.
You have 18 summers, 18 Christmases, 18 Thanksgivings, 18 vacations, and so on to make the most of your parenting and motherly journey. So, accept the challenge to be the best mother you can be and be proud of the mother you are, as you are. I often say that the stretchmarks of motherhood go far beyond the physical marks of pregnancy. They are ever-present, ever-changing, and forever a part of you and your children. So, determine what you want to do with those marks. What do you want your children to remember from you that you have given them? Is it hugs that last forever? Is it love that they can always count on? Are they words of encouragement and inspiration that last for a lifetime, carrying them through the toughest of times in life? Or is it your ability to listen and allow them to feel heard and understood?
Whatever it is, give them the gift that is you, their mother, their confidant, their guide, their teacher, their caretaker, their place of belonging, their everything. These encounters with your beautiful children last a lifetime. Make them count!
The transitions of motherhood are a journey, not a destination. They are a time of growth and learning, both for the mother and the child. They are a time to cherish and embrace, even in the midst of the challenges. So, to all the mothers out there, know that you are not alone. You are doing a great job, and you will get through this. Just keep loving your child, and everything else will fall into place.
Read more from MatriArch MAGAZINE May Issue